A Schlong Time Ago: Anti-masturbation throughout history

If you have spent much time on the internet in the last few years, there's a decent chance you’ve seen people refer to No Nut November, a trend which originated on reddit which, as the name implies, encourages people to abstain from masturbation for at least a month. Practitioners of this claim that not choking the chicken leads to a noticeable increase in focus and productivity. Did you know this sentiment dates back millenia, with key thinkers as far back as Pythagoras (the triangle/maths guy) warning against the dangers of wanking. Over the centuries Western philosophy and religion have discouraged jerking your gherkin on usually on moral grounds, or to supposedly cure all kinds of ailments that modern medicine has found have nothing to do with beating your meat. 

As far as I can tell, back in the day masturbation was seen as preventing ‘natural function’; i.e procreation. So much is wrong with that statement, starting with the fact that it seems to only consider male masturbation, since you’d be ‘losing seed’. Although to be fair, the powerful male members of the Church and physicians in the 1700s probably wouldn’t know a female orgasm if it walked up to them and accused them of witchcraft. 

Never have I ever been more grateful that my family ditched the whole Catholicism thing before I was born than when researching this blog. I (naively) thought that the church had eased up on the whole anti-masturbation thing in the 21st Century, boy was I mistaken; the following comes from Catholic Answers.com, but basically this has been the Church’s stance for centuries. 

Now I’m not trying to crap over someone's religious beliefs, but I’m going to real quick. Bro what are you even sayinggg?? Like I mentioned, I wasn’t raised Catholic, but I know a lot of people who were, and let me tell you, they’re pretty much the freakiest people I know. So here's my theory, growing up in an institution like the church constantly telling you that sexual gratification is sinful often leads to adults who get off on the taboo of it all. Catholicism often encourages self flagellation and states through physical suffering people can be closer to God (think all the stories of martyrs who experience religious ecstasy and stuff) There's a reason why characters like the Hot Priest from Fleabag are so hot, the inherent power imbalance and the taboo around perverting religious imagery for sex is hot because people are told its wrong. Thats how you end up with people like my wonderful Dominatrix co-worker using the Lord’s Prayer in some of her scenes. Anyway this is all a huge tangent, but to summarise I think the Church’s stance on not masturbating has definitely done a lot of harm for a lot of people.

Throughout the 18th and 19th  centuries a whole host of medical conditions were linked with masturbation to help fuel the anti-jerking it ideology. Not only would masturbating send you to hell it would also cause blindness, madness, impotence, consumption (tuberculosis) and even straight up death. The not at all dramatically named “The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution” published in 1710 and “Treatise upon the Disorder Produced by Masturbation” published in 1758, marked a shift from just plain old sin to horrific medical issue.

The 19th century was a pretty terrible time for everyone, but could you imagine being forcibly admitted into an insane asylum for jacking off? This is a list of all the reasons people were admitted to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in West Virginia from 1864 to 1889. This list was compiled in 2001 by author Maureen Dabbagh from documents from the institution. While it was not all admissions, a huge percentage of these were women who were committed by their husbands since apparently just about any excuse was enough to get you tossed in the loony bin. Based on this list I would have been admitted for about 21 different reasons. 

By the late 1800’s one man was arguably leading the fight against shaking hands with the milkman. The inventor of your favourite breakfast cereal; John Harvey Kellog. In 1866 Kellog opened a HUGE health and wellness centre called the Battle Creek Sanitarium, which was backed by the Seventh Day Adventist Church, where thousands of people would come every year to learn about the amazing health benefits of daily enemas and the horrors of masturbation. One of the key principles that Kellog taught was that clean, un-exciting food was the secret to health and wellbeing, and would stop a person from being excitable enough to want to touch oneself. It was this belief that led to the creation of the original corn flakes, which were unsweetened and probably comparable to eating cardboard. 

Kellog also heavily encouraged the use of physical mutilation and a huge range of devices designed to stop people from touching themselves. And when all that failed, probably some good old electroshock therapy. Kellog was such a staunch anti-masturbator because he believed it caused this very brief list of ailments:

• General disability
• Consumption-like symptoms
• Premature and defective development
• Sudden changes in disposition
• Lassitude
• Sleeplessness
• Failure of mental capacity
• Fickleness
• Untrustworthiness
• Love of solitude
• Bashfulness
• Unnatural boldness
• Mock piety
• Being easily frightened
• Confusion of ideas
• Aversion to girls in boys but a decided liking of boys in girls
• Round shoulders
• Weak back 
• Stiffness of joints
• Paralysis of the lower extremities
• Unnatural gait
• Bad posture in bed 
• Lack of breast development in females 
• Capricious appetite 
• Fondness for unnatural or hurtful or irritation articles (such as salt, pepper, spices, vinegar, mustard, clay, slate pencils, plaster, and chalk) 
• Disgust at simple food
• Use of tobacco 
• Unnatural paleness 
• Acne or pimples 
• Biting of fingernails 
• Shifty eyes
• Moist cold hands
• Palpitation of the heart 
• Hysteria in females
• Chlorosis or green sickness (anaemia) 
• Epileptic fits 
• Bed-wetting
• Use of obscene words and phrases

I just read this list out loud and I’m actually out of breath. I’m sure Kellog would blame that on ringing the devils doorbell.

If the fear of horrible health risks or eternal damnation weren't enough to dissuade you, there have been some pretty full on methods of keeping your hand out of your pants over the centuries.

Starting out strong with the classic chastity belt. There has been an ongoing rumour that knights in the Crusades would make their wives wear chastity belts during the Middle Ages. In 1996, the British Museum removed a supposedly medieval chastity belt from display which had been displayed since 1846. Their reasoning was that most chastity belts in museums were actually forgeries made in the 19th century as “curiosities and jokes for the tasteless”. Two supposed belts were actually relabelled by their institutions as dog collars instead of chastity belts. Overall the existence of these devices during this period has pretty patchy evidence. If they were used it wouldn’t have been very widespread, and also likely wouldn’t have even been possible for women to wear for great lengths of time without having some serious health complications.  

British Museum Object number: M.574 Chastity-belt; forgery

For the gents, theres also a wide range of anti-masturbation devices. My favourite has featured in this series before here in the History of the Cock Ring. The Jugum Penis or pollutions ring which was developed in the 18th century. This device was essentially a steel clip with serrated teeth that was attached to the penis to prevent unwanted erections and wet dreams which at the time was a medical condition called Spermatorrhoea.

Science Museum Group Collection © The Board of Trustees of the Science Museum

These days chastity devices are relatively common in the BDSM scene. I would say chastity cages are most popular. Similar to the jugum penis of yesteryear these devices are attached to the shaft and testes and limit a persons capacity to get hard. You can padlock them and give the key to a partner to create a fun dynamic. These are designed typically to be worn for a long time, with some people wearing them for days if not weeks or months at a time. Some people keep them on for the whole of October, similar to No Nut November, but this is called Locktober. We have a pretty good range of chastity cages available at Funtasia. 

Whether you decide to masturbate is entirely up to you, you’re not wrong for doing it and you’re not wrong for not doing it, but while we’re here let's also talk about the health benefits masturbation has been found to have. Having an orgasm releases oxytocin, which makes you feel happy and less stressed, it can also noticeably lower high blood pressure. Orgasms can help relieve period pain and cramping, and help everyone sleep better. But masturbation isn’t necessarily just about reaching the finish line, sometimes its just about exploring your body for the sheer joy of it, you can learn what you do and don’t like, and connect to your body. 

Anyway this is definitely my longest blog to date so kudos to anyone who made it through to the end. What can I say I’m passionate about people getting themselves off. 

Funtasia Sexpert and Bean Flicker 

Verin Sampson 

Sources: 

• https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/no-fap-a-cultural-history-of-anti-masturbation/ 
• https://daily.jstor.org/the-strange-backstory-behind-your-breakfast-cereal/  
• https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/the-brutal-anti-masturbation-devices-of-the-victorian-era/BA3ABBTE2RP3LBY7BOEKHYKVMI/#google_vignette 
• https://jodebloggs.wordpress.com/2015/03/19/why-was-masturbation-such-a-medical-concern-in-the-19th-century/ 

• https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=4jF-DAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=chastity+belt&ots=SFiv8P33Tp&sig=MfdkrDLfwHrsdJKGzdOhAuWlGcg&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=chastity%20belt&f=false 

• https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=qPbSBQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA52&dq=chastity+belt&ots=5gmwjDfVPB&sig=rCmKazUb6bIS7rafdceAZ0xZVoI&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=chastity%20belt&f=false

• https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780203932421-40/medieval-chastity-belt-unbuckled-linda-migl-keyse 

• https://www.catholic.com/qa/why-masturbation-is-wrong