Safety & BDSM

BDSM comes with a lot of safety concerns and considerations. Ensuring that everyone is fully consenting to all that is happening and that pleasure is the focus can take a lot of work and research.

That effort pays off. With hours of fun and games to look forward to, a little bit of research can go a long way. 

BDSM Safety Basics

Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S), Sadism and Masochism (S&M) all fall under the umbrella term of  BDSM. These can include many practices, from sensory deprivation to spanking to the classic image of whips and chains. 

Before you break out all of your fun gear, you need to understand some key fundamentals to ensure that everyone maximises their fun and pleasure.

Planning and Discussions

Whether you’re a practised BDSM dungeon master or a novice, you’ll need to have a semi-lengthy discussion with all participants that will be involved.

• Roles - who will be Dominant and who will be submissive? Will you be playing particular characters like a nurse or a priest? What are your mutual expectations of each other fulfilling these roles?
• Tools & Toys - Unless you’re in a long-term play relationship, then you probably aren’t familiar with each other’s available tools and adult toys. Talk about which ones you want to use or have used on you and how comfortable you are with them.
• Limits - What are your hard and soft limits? Are you comfortable with impact play? Is using a cane too far for you? Are you open to water sports, or is that a hard limit? Knowing what you’re interested in and, more importantly, what you’renot interested in will be vital for establishing trust and having a fun experience.
• Rewards & Punishments - One of the critical parts of a BDSM experience is giving instructions or following them. Knowing what may be at stake in terms of punishment or what you’ll get if you follow orders will help you decide how to fill your role best.

Safewords

You’ve probably heard of these before.

Safewords are an essential part of playing it safe in BDSM. Regardless of whether you’ve played with your partner(s) hundreds of times, you still need to be able to communicate your limits and comfort level within a scene. 

Choosing “stop” or “no” as safewords can be a bad idea. Often, when playing a role in a scene, using those words is expected to make things feel more realistic. Therefore, if you actually mean them, they may get lost in the play. 

So choose a word or two that you never say in bed or during play. Many BDSM groups stick to the stop-light system. 

Saying “green” means you’re enjoying yourself or that you want more.

Saying “yellow” means you can proceed with caution, but tone it back a bit.

Saying “red” means a full and immediate stop to all play. 

Some other  popular safewords are: 

• Pineapple
• Vanilla
• Donald Trump
• Fairy Bread
• Jumanji
• Obi-Wan Kenobi
• Avocado
• Ukulele

Aftercare

Aftercare is usually something a Dom provides for their sub. When you’ve finished a scene, especially when rope or impact play is involved, there will be minor wounds to tend to as well as their emotional well-being. 

If you’re the sub, make sure you know what you need.

If you’re the Dom, make sure you have what your sub needs.

Burn creams, a warm bath, a long cuddle, a protein-based snack, or whatever floats your boat! Know what you might need and have it ready. 

This aftercare period can also help a sub cope with sub drop. Sub drop is the sudden absence of stimulating neurochemicals that make BDSM feel good. That absence can leave a sub feeling vulnerable and emotional. Providing high-quality aftercare can help them with this transition immensely. 

Choosing the Correct BDSM Toys

When you walk into one of our three Funtasia locations, you’ll be overwhelmed with our selection of BDSM tools and gear at your disposal. As a beginner, you may want to buy some of everything immediately! 

Many just starting out in BDSM head for the wrong tools. 

Certain things like metal handcuffs can leave very recognisable marks and could potentially cause damage to your wrists and hands. 

If you’re excited about using rope and haven’t taken any classes, wait. Ropes and tying are considered an advanced art form in BDSM and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Tying knots in the wrong place may cause irreversible nerve damage or cut off circulation. Untreated ropes may leave lasting rope burns around your body. Start with other kinds of restraints first while you take some classes. 

BDSM Safety Tips

Some basic rules apply to all BDSM practices, as we covered in our previous article   What is BDSM? Such as sobriety, consent, and being risk-aware. However, there are many specific safety practices you should also keep in mind.

Always have scissors or another cutting tool handy.

• If a person is bound or tied up and starts experiencing numbness or pain, you need a fast way to get them out of their bindings. If there’s rope involved, it can take several minutes to undo all of your beautiful knotworks. Keeping scissors nearby ensures that there is a quick-release option at all times.

Never leave a restrained person unattended.

• It may sound sexy to leave some restrained and alone in the next room. However, that’s a considerable risk. Suppose the person is unable to free themselves and start experiencing pain or even a panic attack. In that case, they need you there to help them. 

Use sex toys safely.

• Suppose you’re using anal toys or a urethral sound, and your sub is experiencing discomfort. In that case, you need to remove them quickly but safely. Knowing how to do so with your specific toys without causing more pain or some unwanted mess is key to ensuring you both have a great time.

Know where you’re hitting.

• Impact play, or using whips or crops on a person, is one of the most popular aspects of BDSM. If not done correctly, you could cause real damage. Keep the hitting to the fleshier parts of the back and the buttocks. If your whip wraps around their sides, you run the risk of potentially causing kidney damage. Always stay away from hitting anywhere with an organ under it. Avoiding joints such as knees and elbows is also critical.

How will you communicate when you can’t speak?

• Gags are another standard tool when it comes to BDSM. However, if a person is gagged, how will they be able to tell you their limits? You can try things like snapping or having a bell in their hand so they can indicate they’re uncomfortable, but you both need to be aware of what those signs mean. Also, if you’re covering their mouth, you cannot cover their nose or vice versa. They need a way to breathe easily.

Change up positions.

• If a person is stuck in the same position for an hour or more, they can experience extreme discomfort and even blood pooling. So to be safe, make sure you switch positions at least once per hour.

Prepare for the worst.

• Knowing how to do CPR, especially in breath play, is critical to ensuring a person’s safety. Having scissors, a spare set of keys to your handcuffs, and a phone in case of an emergency will all help you feel more comfortable and prepared. Stay hydrated, eat before playing, and having a first aid kit handy may be helpful. If you’re using candles or other forms of fire or electricity, have your fire extinguisher at hand. When in doubt, over-prepare. 

BDSM, when practised ethically and responsibly, can bring you a high as you’ve never experienced. Playing safe makes it even more fun because you can relax and know you’re prepared for anything. 

Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!

Elaine S. Turner

Sex Coach, Sexual Wellness Brand Consultant, and Sexuality Educator

www.SexWithElaine.com

Instagram:@SexWithElaine