Are you having Intimacy problems?

Intimacy is so important

Allowing someone to get close to you is an achievement. You may want to be intimate or try to avoid it, but when you find that special someone, you know — and your body knows. It's not just about goose bumps or tummy flips when that exceptional someone is near; it's about a gentler, longer-lasting sense of wellbeing that comes from knowing there is someone special in the world who thinks you're special too. This may not only be a lifelong connection; it may extend your life too. 

What is intimacy?

What is intimacy? It can be not easy to define intimacy with a partner. In adults, the 

word 'intimacy' is often used as a euphemism for sex. However, though sex and intimacy feed each other, they don't always coexist. Though being sexual together improves feelings of intimacy, and intimacy can lead to being sexual, sex can feel anything but intimate if the circumstances aren't right. In fact, the reason loss of intimate feelings leads some people to avoid sex altogether.

Anything which affects just the two of you can feel intimate and special. But, more than that, partner intimacy probably gives you a feeling of belonging. You feel safe when you have someone you trust on your side. You can be vulnerable without feeling judged. This allows you to be sexual together in a way that considers the unique feelings you have for one another. 

Sex and intimacy 

One of the reasons sex and intimacy are great for your health and your relationship is that they provide an additional form of communication that is missing when you rely entirely on words. Non-verbal touch is sometimes necessary to support what we say or when we don't have the words to express what we are feeling. 

Developing comfort with touching your partner helps you both to create an additional language, which can be used whenever words are not enough. If you think back to your childhood, hugs rather than words were probably what you found most comforting, and the same is often true in our adult relationships as well. 

Sexual touch

Ironically, though, the more you care about someone, the harder it can be to enjoy the relaxed sensuality of sexual touch, let alone to be experimental or daring. Even if you were once swinging from the chandeliers, carefree and sexually insatiable, you might find yourselves becoming far more sexually reticent once you really start to love each other. By then, sex really matters. 

With the acknowledgement of love comes an element of risk. Now you are sharing yourself, offering yourself and revealing yourself. The more in love you are, the more scared you may be of getting it wrong. For many couples, this is when sex can become less frequent or stop altogether, and then it may not be easy to begin again. New ways to communicate what is happening need to be found, including new ways to communicate sexually. This is when some couples seek psychosexual therapy, which deals specifically with sexual issues.

Wellbeing

There is also considerable evidence that intimate relationships are very good for our physical and mental health. Both are thought to be improved when sex and intimacy are part of our lives. Sex is good mild exercise, which raises the heart rate, which may help lower blood pressure and improve overall cardiovascular fitness. Sex may also reduce headaches, prevent stomach ulcers in men and osteoporosis in women, help with insomnia and ease tension and stress. 

Sex toys improve intimacy

Though masturbation and casual sex contribute somewhat to these positive health effects, enjoyable sex with intimacy is significantly good for us. Wheter its with a partner or solo.

It has never been easier to purchase sex toys in Australia. There are online websites that offer same-day delivery of your favourite vibrators, or recently, Funtasia the Adult Shop offers 2 Hours Uber delivery for sex toys. Online shopping for adult toys is your best option for those who are a little shy.

Sex Toys has also evolved over the past 10 to 15 years. There are sex toys specially designed for couples to enjoy together, such as the We-Vibe Chorus couples' vibrator. Many sex toy manufacturers are starting to develop long-distance adult toy products to allow partners to interactively over the internet, such as the Lovense Lush vibrator. You can read more about Teledildonics in one of our articles here.

The way the relationship works, our attitudes and beliefs, our ability to share and relax, and our wish to be sexual all contribute to the way we "do' relationships and how much they help us. 

There are so many things that can make us want sex or turn us off it, and just as many that make us satisfied with our relationships and sex lives. It is no wonder that about half of us are feeling a bit disappointed at any time. 

The idea that other people have a better time or are more sexually skilled than we contribute to dissatisfaction. We may form this impression from what other people tell us or, more likely, from the image given on television, in social media, films, magazines and newspapers. 

Masturbation is on the rise

The profound changes in society during the past few decades have improved our access to information about sex and relationships and have made sexual expression and diversity something to celebrate rather than be ashamed of. This means we are seeing and hearing much more about sex than was ever previously likely or possible.

The statistics also backed up with evidence that a culture of self-love and masturbation is increasing as the sex toys industry is booming. Quote from Statista "The global sex toy market is expected to grow by about nine per cent between 2019 to 2026, from approximately 28.64 billion U.S. dollars to around 52.7 billion U.S. dollars in that period."

While increased openness is a positive move forward, this also places more demands on couples to aspire to an ideal of 'good', 'satisfying' sex and for couples to believe they are alone if they don't feel 100 per cent happy with their sex lives. 

Intimacy without sex

Though intercourse is often valued much more highly than other forms of sexual expression, these may enhance the overall experience of a sexual encounter that ends with intercourse or maybe satisfying on their own, either some of the time or always. 

Sexual problems usually arise not because of what you do together or want but because you think you should be doing or think everyone else is doing. Look at the list below and see how many of these sexual behaviours you participate in, and then compare this with how many you could join in. Think about what stops you. 

• Taking pleasure in fixing hair or make-up 

• Wearing clothes that make you feel good 

• Looking at yourself in the mirror clothed 

• Looking at yourself in the mirror naked

• Exploring your own body 

• Flirting 

• Touching as you pass each other 

• Phoning or texting your partner

• Leaving messages or notes for your partner 

• Hugging your partner 

• Looking into each other's eyes 

• Holding hands

• Dancing on your own 

• Dancing as a couple 

• Catching your partner's eye in a crowd

• Snuggling together on the sofa